The Connection of Yoga and Art: A Creative Journey

Yoga and art are two ancient practices that have been around for thousands of years. Both have the power to awaken our creativity, connect us to our inner selves, and bring about a sense of mindfulness and inner peace. In fact, the connection between yoga and art is so strong that many yoga studios offer art classes, and many art studios offer yoga classes. But what is it about these two practices that make them so interwoven?

Yoga as a Source of Inspiration

Yoga is a practice that involves physical movement, meditation, and breathwork, all of which can inspire creativity and artistic expression. The physical postures of yoga, or asanas, can be seen as a form of moving meditation, allowing the mind to quiet down and focus on the present moment. In this state of mindfulness, we are more open to creative inspiration and ideas.

Moreover, the practice of yoga can help us to connect with our inner selves and tap into our intuition, which is essential for artistic expression. Yoga can also help to release blocked energy in the body, which can enhance creativity and open up new avenues for artistic expression.

Art as a Form of Self-Expression

Art, on the other hand, is a form of self-expression that can be both therapeutic and transformative. Through art, we can express our thoughts, emotions, and experiences in a tangible way, and create something that is uniquely our own. The process of creating art can be a form of meditation in itself, as we lose ourselves in the creative process and enter a state of flow.

The practice of art can also help to cultivate mindfulness and self-awareness, which is a core tenet of yoga. By paying attention to the details of our artwork, we become more present and connected to the world around us.

The Intersection of Yoga and Art

The connection between yoga and art goes beyond inspiration and self-expression. In fact, the practices of yoga and art share many of the same principles, including balance, harmony, and intention. Both practices require patience, discipline, and a willingness to surrender to the creative process.

Incorporating yoga into your art practice, or art into your yoga practice, can bring a new level of mindfulness and intention to your creative journey. This can be as simple as practicing yoga before sitting down to create art, or incorporating art as a form of meditation during your yoga practice.

The connection between yoga and art is a powerful one, and it's no wonder that many artists and yogis have found inspiration and healing through these practices. By incorporating the principles of yoga into your art practice, or vice versa, you can tap into a deeper sense of mindfulness and creativity, and experience a transformative journey of self-expression and self-discovery.

“But what if I’m not flexible?!’

The most common question that I get as a yoga teacher is ‘What kind of yoga do you do?’ or ‘What are your classes like?’

I am focused on creating a safe and welcoming class experience. The postures we do are accessible, slow, guided, supported, and above all gentle. I’m the yoga teacher you are looking for after you have injured yourself in another practice, or are stressed and nervous about starting physical wellness, I am the teacher you come to when you want to deepen your experience with yourself and your own body, mind, and spirit.

“But what if I’m not flexible?!’

‘That is ok!’

When I started my yoga journey I was over 100 pounds heavier. I intimately understand that the hardest part of starting any journey is the first step. I have students from all shapes and sizes in my studio and I can tell you that we all learn and grow together. And, for what it’s worth, no one is looking at you, trust me, if you have ever taken a class before you know what I’m talking about- you are so dropped in and tuned into your own body and the sensations you don’t have time to worry about anyone else. And for the most part, that is exactly the point.

When someone is starting yoga, they arn’t really worried about seated, supine, or postures that don’t require standing when they think of the challenges they might face in yoga. I want to dissolve some of the mystery with my gentle sequences and talk a bit about some weightbaring and balancing postures you might see during my yoga classes

Crescent Lounges: Bring in blocks, use the thigh, move slowly and focus on the sensation that arises in the hip flexor. If the knee is uncomfortable to the point of pain, fold the mat under it, or release some pressure from the posture.

Twists: Use blocks to elongate the spine and find some more length and take pressure off of the lower back. Engage the core, this will help stabilize the back and keep you safe. Focus on your breathing here, in with the expanse, and out with the contraction or twist. If it’s too much on the cervical spine, you can always look down or keep the head at neutral.

Warrior 2 knee down: Don’t worry about popping up quickly here, take your time to feel the full expression with your knee down. Warrior two is doing a lot of different things in the body, the arms are reaching and pulling in opposite directions. The weight is in the front leg and you might feel warmth here as heat starts to build and the muscle is engaged. If this is too much, drop the arms and place them at your sides. Just breathe and experience the posture.

Forward Fold: This posture is so important because it’s part of our daily mobility. Bend deep into the knees, allow the weight of the torso to completely let go into the tops of the thigh. Use blocks to support the weight of the torso if this feels like too much for the low back.

Dancer: A true balancing posture we work at the wall for stability. A lot goes into the prompts for this posture from concentrating the eyes on a single point to allowing the body to lift from the arch of the foot. It’s one of the more challenging postures in my classes but very accessible when we use our props and guide the body slowly!

We do more postures than these in my gentle yoga classes.

I really want to drive home the point that everything is gentle, slow, and made for concentration of the body.

I know that some students love a fast paced class, and that’s amazing! There are tons of classes out there that will quench that power vinyasa craving!

I’ll be here for those days when you’re needing a recovery day, when life has gotten too much and you need to come to silence constructively. I will be here for you when your joints hurt from too much hiking, or you are going through something personal and need a safe space to just breathe among friends who need exactly the same thing.

My yoga classes are to help guide you on your wellness journey, I am the guide and you are walking your own path.

Classes are held at Yoga by the Lake, you can check out the full schedule updated monthly on my website and of course my facebook page. Thank you for watching and have a warm and peaceful rest of your day!

New Journey

Congratulations to me! I was accepted into Pacific College of Health and Science’s Acupuncture and Herbology program. This is a masters degree program with full accreditation to become an Acupuncturist.

2022 a selfie taken from inside my art classroom.

So how did an art teacher, mwa, start to look into and eventually decide to do a major career pivot into acupuncture? Actually it’s not as big of a shift as you might think.

Art, what is art and why is it important? Well for that we have to delve deep into the lives of the artists we have come to celebrate. Frida Kahlo is one of my favorite artists. My ex husband used to joke that if she was still alive he would seek her out and make her his girlfriend. And why not? Her artwork is gorgeous and she had the heart of a lion. Frida’s life was plagued with suffering: chronic pain, surgeries, major life adjustments that left her on a different career path. Frida wanted to become a doctor, and after a bus accident left her bed bound she turned inward and started to paint her experience.

Art is healing, art is the path out of suffering. For Frida Kahlo she used art to express her feelings of pain, to get them out of her into the external world. She also painted portraits of those she loved and cared about the most, her family and loved ones. She painted the beauty of the world, the mindful moments caught in her mind and expressed onto the canvas for all to share. Art is a living expression of mediation, peace, and spiritual awakening.

Intuitive Painting for the Subtle Body Yoga retreat developed and taught by Jodi Sibilia ‘Yoga by the Lake’ 2022

When I was teaching in the classroom I felt compelled to teach students that art was a friend that would never leave them, it would be there in the darkest of times, their own expressions able to heal, uplift, and bring them peace when the world felt too big and heavy.

So many of the people I meet on a daily basis are struggling, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I can feel their pain, attuned to the energy they are presenting. I know that art is one of the greatest healers, a great relief providing balm that everyone can access at any time, and I want to do more to help those on their journey.

Yoga is my method of practice to connect myself to my spiritual/ higher self. I practice with my students in the wellness center and nourish my personal practice. I study, learn, read, express, paint, photograph and try to embody the philosophies of yoga in each moment of my life. I wholeheartedly know that I will find through acupuncture, the philosophies and studies of Chinese medicine and using natural herbs to rebalance the body another piece of a wellness journey to aid myself and others with.

Yoga by the Lake, outside classes by the lake 2022

In short this is a new and abundant chapter in my life. I am nervous, as all fledglings are before they fly from the nest and trust their own wings to support them. When we start to ask ourselves what we ‘know’ it is listening to the true self, the internal compass that points to our truth. I know that this time post COVID in this world that is in flux and trying to balance and heal, we will seek the knowledge of our ancestors, hold to ancient healing practices and connect to our source energy to guide us.

I welcome the new journey and I am excited to share the winding path.

Choosing a New Path

The Heart of Yoga, Developing a Personal Practice’ by K.V Desikachar. (The revised edition) Chapter title ‘Actions Leave Traces’ page 87 .

The chapter’s title reminds me of the phrase ‘words create worlds.’ because Desikachar touches on two important topics of metal suffering and how to help find relief from it.

The chapter is brief, a couple of pages and very dense. I feel fortunate to have such a good grasp on these concepts from previous trainings because otherwise it could easily be overwhelming. At one point I sort of giggled to myself when on page 88 it says ‘…the other steps are too complex for our discussion.’ and instructs us to read from the yoga sutra for additional commentary.

So with out further delay, may I present Duhkha and Samskara.

“Duhkha (suffering) arises when we do not get what we want; it arises from desire. It also results from wanting to repeat a pleasant experiences that actually cannot ever be repeated because the situation has changed. Another form of duhka is experienced when we become habitual to having something and suddenly do not have it any more. In this case duhka arises because we have to give up something we are used to…” pg 87
“…The conditioning of the mind that lets it continually take the same direction is called Samskara. Samskara is the sum total of all of our actions that condition us to behave a certain way (which can be negative or positive)…” pg 89

So much comes to mind for me here I could probably write about it for weeks on end. I’m choosing to keep todays narrative personal.

When I first came to yoga I was 100 pounds heavier then I am today. I had awful self-esteem. My thoughts were constantly in a state of bouncing from one terrible incident to another. I would flash back to events from when I was 8, 4, 20, 18, re-live them, feel them, all over again in their entirety, and then verbally abuse myself with my own thoughts.

Trying paddle board yoga at 50lbs+ heavier (Before)

I was not a happy girl. I was plagued by this cycle that was unending. My self love and worth were nonexistent. I hated my body, I didn’t have a healthy idea of what love was, or what it was to be valued or value myself. I had next to no boundaries and those that I did have where very flimsy at best.

That pattern of thoughts, the minds chatter telling me how stupid, ugly, or unloveable, I was, was my Samskara at the time.

My Duhkha came from wanting things to be different then they were, wanting to be thinner, smarter, or happier. My life was also in a constant state of upheaval. I have moved over 20 times in the last 10 years.

I know a lot of people who are having this similar experience currently. I hear good friends explain a pattern they are stuck in, a way of thinking that they know is unhealthy or saddening to them, or just continual frustrations that feel limiting and exhausting.

The truth is we have all been there or are currently there in a loop that maybe we are unaware of. A pattern of unhealthy thought, behavior, or an unhealthy attachment to an outcome or desire.

This is suffering.

Desikachar tells us in this chapter that a good way out of our suffering is to…. TRY NEW THINGS.

When we try new things we see things differently and this can change our thinking, we actually become more aware, we perceive things with a clearer mind because we are focused on what is, instead of listening to old thoughts or patterns in our head. We are present in the moment of our new experience.

Desikachar suggests trying a new yoga routine instead of the one you habitually practice, but you could take this further; a new setting, a new studio, outside meditation, or walking a new trail (or even just taking the same one a different direction), maying painting instead of drawing, or taking an old film camera along for a short road trip.

If you are really stuck in a pattern try something to shake it up a lot so you see things differently.

I started to see my whole world differently the second I stepped onto my yoga mat the first time, tried new healthier food, learned to surf, jumped into the saddle on my first lesson horse, traveled solo to new countries, did things I had not experienced before.

I was the girl who told herself every moment of every day that she had no worth, was not athletic, was too overweight to do anything much less exist or take new challenges. It took many baby steps and trying new things, getting out of my comfort zone, and adjusting many Sanskara patterns to get to where I am today.

This week, the first time I attempted some yoga with my paddle board. I was so fortunate to have someone who cared enough to take some pictures while I was doing my practice. I was nervous about the images, because I still have some old thought patterns about my body bouncing around in the back of my mind, but I allowed myself to be photographed, to be present, to have a new experience.

When I saw the pictures I exclaimed. ‘I can’t even be mad about my imperfections, I have come so far.’

Trying paddle board yoga this weekend (After: changing my patterns through self-love)

So trust me when I tell you that one new experience may help you to find clarity of the mind, come into the present moment, to stop a pattern that is holding you back.

Please share in the comments how you have or want to try new things and finding focus in doing so.

Remember, yoga class Monday, Virtually at 7pm

Imposter Syndrome

Doodle of a house on the shore of Lake Huntington.

My mac is broken, I have a plan on how to fix it but in the meantime I’ve been slightly stuck with my artwork. This urge to doodle has come about due to the stagnation of major work in the studio.

I’ve had a very full head lately. Lots of new opportunities are starting to crop up for me in yoga and my personal journey; I am taking my time with them all. I’ve been working on manifestation and affirmation for about a year now and I can see the physical manifestation of the things starting to come into my reality. This is causing some questions about the future.

In turn, I had a conversation with my colleague about how we can sometimes feel like we are not good enough for our opportunities or manifestations. She called this ‘Imposter Syndrome’ where we make up this other person in our mind who is really us and label them as insufficient in some way. (she is so smart) I think that there is a lot of this ‘Imposter Syndrome’ going around lately as I listen to clients and my own art students in the classroom.

Yoga is interpreted as a ‘coming together’ or ‘to unite’. I interpret it as a coming together of the head, heart, soul and mind. The Heart of Yoga, Developing a Personal Practice’ by K.V Desikachar. (The revised edition) Chapter title ‘Yoga: Concept and Meaning’ page 5. talks about this concept of attaining what was previously unattainable:

“…there is something that we are today unable to do; when we find the means for bringing that desire into action, that step is yoga. In fact, every change is yoga."

The book goes on to talk about how learning asana (yoga postures) studying literature on yoga, or having a discussion about yoga is considered this ‘change’ because we are doing something we never did before and that changes our realities. Also, that classes taught by yoga practitioners sometimes give off the impression that there are prerequisites in order to study yoga; such as vegetarianism or to not be a smoker. However, yoga aims to meet us where we are. If we practice yoga then we might want to give up smoking as a result. (change as a result of the practice)

“We begin where we are and how we are, and what ever happens, happens.”

So it’s fair to surmise from this that the practice of yoga is actually to honor our path, allow for new manifestations and opportunities to come to us. Maybe there isn’t as much fear in the change as we have come to believe.

When this imposter enters your mind and tells you all the falsehoods about yourself (you know what they are…) we can start to practice yoga in those moments:

Doodle: I found a deer skull in the woods and have been thinking about how to incorporate it into my next work. Nothing ends, it just changes.

Become present in the moment, focus on one thing at a time, one sensation.
Remember that there is a higher source then us, protecting us, loving us, and helping us on our journey and that we are one with this source energy.
Practice gratitude for our gifts and talents, love in our life even if that is in a pet, the wild birds or sound of the breeze in the trees.
Be open to discovery, allow what is going to happen to happen, have a child like curiosity for the world that is about to unfurl to you.
Bring attention to your own health, book an over due medical check up, reevaluate your eating habits, dive deeper into your self care, call your therapist, join me for my virtual donation yoga classes on Monday evenings.
Keep a journal of all of your wins, you have more than you think!
Release attachment to the outcome. What ever happens, happens. Let it arrive as a gift, a blessing or a lesson.

It’s fair to say that there is still an imposter Jodi lurking somewhere in my mind, but that is just a shadow. Loving our shadows, showing them how to play and interact with us is as simple as giving them a name, recognizing they are there and honoring the reason they are there, which is usually to try to protect us (however misguided that is).

Here is hoping you found some comfort in this and will consider adding these practices to your day. Baby steps friends. You’re not alone.

What we are and what we are not

Those of you who have gotten to know me know that I’m always doing ‘something’: painting , opening a yoga studio, writing and teaching mindfulness art lessons, traveling to central America on wellness retreats and volunteer work… etc. My latest project is a collaborative creative project I’ve started with a colleague.

The project takes a deep look at simplifying wellness aspects. I don’t want to go into it too much on here seeing as it is in its infancy and I want to continue to honor the process we have been working on.

That being said, I am not a surface person (just incase these journal entries didn’t shed enough light on that already…) everything I do I have to dive super deep into. As my colleague and I start to peel back layers of nonsense, gray, and misunderstandings in the creative work we are doing, more of our personal trauma stories are coming to the surface.

After one meeting where I dove particularly deep into a vain of ‘aloneness’ I ended my evening with a phone call to my ex-husband asking him to recall facts about a particularly rough time in our lives.

‘I’m just so sad.’ I told him. Being let down by anyone close to me over the past 30 years and ultimately learning how to survive on my own has come with this deep sense of aloneness and un-belonging.

‘Just accept that you are sad. Don’t try to change it.’ he told me.

As much as we were not meant for the domestic marriage life, he is still quite the sage.

‘The Heart of Yoga, Developing a Personal Practice’ by K.V Desikachar. (The revised edition) Chapter title ‘the world exists to set us free’ page 107

This chapter was heavy to say the least. Here the yogi talks at great length about different paths to ‘Samadhi’ which then leads to Samyama and eventually Kaivalya.

See all you really have to understand from this is that yoga is an eight limbed path. You work at all eight limbs at the same time throughout your life experience; the postures, breath work, and meditation are 3 of the eight limbs. Students who come to yoga to achieve ‘Enlightenment’ know that Samadhi is essentially where you want to end up as far as an overall feeling.

What was interesting is the teacher goes into talking about Kaivalya as the practice that is achieved after you are in a continued state of samadhi. (WHAT??? MIND BLOWN)

I was under the misconception that Samadhi was end game. But as with anything in yoga, there really doesn’t seem to be a true end game, it is slippery, fluid and organically spontaneous. To practice the right conditions is the only way our body and mind will have the opportunity to experience these things.

So what I found to be particularly interesting about Kaivalya was that it means “To Keep To Oneself.”

This is where the pin dropped for me: All of us going through this global pandemic, in quarantine, alone, on this isolating journey as a whole human race at this very moment… How can I not draw a parallel?

A person who as achieved kaivalya understands the world so they can stand apart from it. They do not carry the burden of the world on their shoulders. They are still human, with needs and human function, and they might even be able to motivate people or change the world, but they are not affected by it. They are sure of themselves and their place in the world.

So what does this all have to do with 1) being sad and 2) accepting it.

Most of us have heard the saying ‘If you do what you love you will never work a day in your life.’ Meaning that if you are enjoying your work it wont feel like work. There is this understanding that when we are doing our true life’s purpose, we feel like we are in the ‘zone’. For me there are moments when I am painting, teaching, or doing yoga where I feel like nothing else matters. It’s like a hyper focus where every vibration in my body is hitting the right frequency and I move with fluidity and knowing. Many of us have experienced this ‘zone’ before, maybe we are unaware of it.

Think about a time where you just did what you were doing effortlessly. Maybe you were singing, creating, or running. It just moves through you, you are one with a task or situation; this is samadhi.

It doesn’t have to be profound, maybe its just a moment of ‘ah ha!’ while you are learning something new or dancing.

Does this sound familiar: I’m sad. Why am I sad? I don’t want to be sad. I need to do a, b, c. I’m to sad to do those things. Why am I sad. Oh yeah that’s why I’m sad. Now I’m angry about those things. Why can’t I be anything other than sad or angry now. I’m not a good human because I’m sad. no one else is sad. UGH why can’t I just be not sad. This is so frustrating. Now I’m frustrated and sad. I know I’ll just change how I feel. Nope still sad…

When we are sad, angry, upset, etc. We fight these feelings because we do not want to be this way. We want to be happy, that is where humans ultimately want to stay; contentment.

When we honor our feeling and just accept it, not only do we provide a ‘down stream thought’ and stop the fight, we eventually allow for new things to come through when they are ready.

Now without the fight: I’m sad. I accept I am sad right now.

If the true intent is just to accept how we are in the moment, our truth comes back to us. The journey to Kaivalya is now being taken: to understand the world so we can stand apart from it, to not carrying the burden of the world on our shoulders, to being human and interact with the world but not be affected by it, to be sure of ourselves and our place in the world.

According to yoga “The purpose of the whole of creation is to give us a context for understanding what we are and what we are not.

My deepest advice to you, is just to practice accepting what is. See if this small shift changes anything with in you. Don’t try to distract or fight it. Just honor it and accept what ever feelings come up. You may be closer to your true path then you ever realized.

Let it Burn

I have endured my fair share of emotional pain in my life. I first started my yoga journey, one hundred pounds heavier and full of self loathing, standing winded at the top of the single story steps to the studio with unease in my heart. I had recently moved to Pittsburgh to start a new life, leaving a career in EMS in New York to earn my masters degree in teaching. The rent prices then were easily manageable with a meager hourly wage and my tuition costs included some living expenses. Because I was alone, unmarried without family in a 2000 mile radius, I hedged my bets on self-improvement in the vein of my own education. While this may seem logical, to continue to go to school for greater career goals and financial independence, it was more that somewhere deep inside me I knew I was worthy a good life. This spark of resiliency, is key, I think, to healing emotional pain and trauma.

When I took my first yoga class at 25, I had such a terrible relationship with my body and my feelings. I felt I wasn’t enough. Period. If I had been enough my parents wouldn’t have physically hurt me, or drank, or caused so much deep emotional pain. Lovers would have stayed loyal, been kind, listened to me and treated me with respect. Love was missing from the outside world and, therefore, within.

I had been fighting the idea of yoga for years. During my time as an undergraduate the yoga studio down the street offered $2 classes. I was encouraged by everyone to attend. They said I would love it, it would be so good for me. I resisted, fearing I would start crying if I had to walk into a room full of strangers and be told I was worthy of love. Little did I know that, yes I would absolutely cry, but that would be much later and extremely liberating. Because the cry we have during our yoga or meditation is our truth bubbling to to surface and letting go of self-doubt and emotional pain or blockage. It’s very healing.

In my own studio I tell my yoga students with a grin ‘If you aren’t crying, I’m not doing my job!’ Inciting laughter. They laugh because there is a undeniable untold understanding that they are safe to cry and let go with me. Those who are not ready don’t practice with me, and those who are edging the line keep coming back.

I found a spot on the floor and clumsily laid down my mat somewhere in the back of the small homey studio. The light sifting through the second story windows warmed the pine floors and the soft sent of incense clung in the air. I listened, mouth agape, as the teacher, a total stranger to me, explained that today’s class would be about transitions into a new phase of our lives. She handed out small pieces of green backed paper and told us to write one thing we wanted to let go of, and one thing we wanted to bring into our lives to replace it. Once we were done we were instructed to fold the paper up tightly and tuck under the top of our mat- and after class we were to burn it.

I didn’t know at the time that this was a fire ceremony surrounding the idea of cleansing and transformation, or that I would continue to practice and lead them. I only knew that this resonated so deeply to my feelings (vibration) I could no longer deny it. Yoga and it’s philosophies would be like a salve to my wounds, and enable me too stand in my truth as a light worker and teacher to those who are open to it.

That day in the studio something cracked inside of me and a small ember was lit into a tiny little flame in my belly. The truth is, that once that flame is lit, nothing in this world can extinguish it. It is that small little light that shines outward clearing away the darkness, the hurt, the emotional pain. Reflecting on that light, feeling it’s warmth on the cold days, is like a hot bath that comes from within.

If you are reading this then your spark has already been lit and can never be extinguished. Always know, you are so worthy of this little flame within you. Let it burn baby.

Allow Her to be Silenced

I have learned a great deal about anger in the past year.

In the past I was shunned and belittled my anger, told things like ‘I don’t deserve your anger.’ Or ‘Your anger scares me.’

I have come to understand that anger was really my soul feeling deeply sorrowful, something was crossing my natural vibration, causing discourse through my system and ultimately bringing me to great anger as a very human and honest response to pain.

How we express our emotional pain is just as valid as the expression physical pain. I believe that actively trying to rigidly control our emotional outbursts is more detrimental to our health then constructively expressing it.

Recently, someones actions hurt me and in response I got angry, stood my ground and raised my voice to this person. I felt a twinge of guilt for my anger as I started to question my reaction. I was taught to be ‘in control of myself at all times’, discipline and militaristic ideals that dismissed my passion, feelings, divine intuition, as well as my softness: was my trigger to sharp and unjust? Was the snap of pain I felt in my core valid? Was I being ‘too sensitive’? Was I blaming this person for someone else’s sins? Should I have just let it go?

The answer was no to these and many other questions aimed at loosening my feelings validity. My emotional pain was real, true, and identifiable.

I feel that so many woman are trying to put themselves into boxes that the world tried to carve out for us to live in when it comes to our emotions.

If I had metaphorically swallowed back that feeling of being emotionally hurt, which is really translates into allowing my self-worth to harmed, I would have felt sick to my stomach. Like food poisoning these deep feelings would have made me feel physically ill. Over time I would have felt the consequences of not speaking my truth in a more physical manifested presence through disease (dis-ease).

To make matters worse, I would have come to resent the person who hurt me and a rift would form vibrationally as I tried to sweep my feelings under the rug.

I was born into a home that was unhealthy, you can watch my documentary ‘Pura Vida’ here. I was given the opportunity to experience compounded trauma and work through it. I know that I will never hear ‘I’m sorry.’ from those who have hurt me the most. For a long time my soul was deeply saddened by this. The little girl that lives within my chest was vulnerable and in mourning, unable to processes deep wounds all by herself. It helped to know that the pain is real and valid. Any feeling that comes up such as: anger, depression, moodiness, wanting to be alone, fear, and many more are all totally natural responses to your inner child feeling wounded.

If we fail to respond to this pain by acknowledging it and accepting that it is real, we get sick. This is a universal truth- it rots us from the inside out. There have been countless movies, books, shows, plays, stories, etc. of this tail, the protagonist fighting with herself to heal her pain and move forward. But, here is what they fail to mention in these stories, I know you will agree that this is true, the sickness doesn’t end with you unless you work through it. Your children, children’s children, distant relatives, will all feel the echo of your pain for generations if you don’t property see it, embrace it, and love yourself through it with unrelenting will.

This is the beauty in anger; when we are moved to express, scream, yell, say our truth even if it’s shaky, it can’t cause us any more harm because the universe has accepted it as our divine truth and thus our vibration is free of discord.

If you are not there yet, that is ok. Write it, burn the letters. Paint it, destroy the canvas. Sing it, and don’t record it. Break the glass against the wall. Run until you can’t any more. Move through the yoga flow until you break down in tears. Just keep working on it. The child within your heart is gorgeous and worthy of your love and dedication, never allow her to be silenced.

And when in doubt listen to some country music…

Under the Pines

Finally I must admit that there is no better time then the present and no better thing to be then ones true self.

Living presently is much harder then we give it credit for and being ones authentic self is much scarier then I think we like to admit.

Let’s be honest though, the true point in looking to ones past, should be only to reflect and make sure we don’t continue to make the same mistakes, repeating the same cycles, and craving the same unhealthy desires that brought us any sort of discomfort or misery. That is, unless of course you enjoy nostalgia.

The future too, is not certain, which should be pretty obvious at this point by the global pandemic that we are sitting in currently, also, what I have learned of late, tomorrows are not promised.

The “authentic self” or as I like to call it ‘divine self, or true self’ is something I have a very hard time opening up about to anyone. Though most of my demons have been quieted and my shadow work is just about cleaned up and all feels fine in my energetic field, I still feel a certain rawness to who I am. I consider this a vulnerability that feels like an Achilles heel.

Maybe my ‘give a damn’ busted off at some point through the turbulent waters of my recent divorce and personal devastating losses. Maybe the pressure of compounded isolation in the deep woods of upstate New York has cracked some sort of internal shell of underlying truth; in reality we are all finite, as is pleasure and pain, and yet we are eternal, as is love.

I have stopped looking for the ‘whys’ they don’t hold as much relevance for me anymore. Not personally, not in my artwork, my job, nor my relationships or personal journey. I don’t really care ‘why’ so much as I care that it is. I have held myself back for so long, trying to fit into a little bubble that has caged me since my birth, forced upon me with all of it’s rules and confines. What I can and can’t express, expect, be, say, do. A mutilation of my divine sense of autonomy.

I write here with naked heart because I am no longer ashamed of my pure being. I am who I am, and that light will never go out now that it as been lit a blaze.

In addition to the full enjoyment of my life’s creation, my only reason for being put in his body is to share my stories and experiences so that they may serve as your road map. I have weathered storms that many girls and women will face or are currently surviving. My inner child is here to hold hands with your inner child, she is a friendly girl who will love you hard without condition. I am her armor, knight, and protector.

Let us walk, tender footed under the pines, in oneness.